fighter-backer

i've never been a good "fighter-backer".  whenever someone has attacked me, even when completely unjust-- or worse--, i have had to tell myself "okay, go now.  fight back."  but i have never liked it, never enjoyed the victory (and i almost always was victorious, once i told myself to fight back...).  for some reason, even when it came down to actual harm to me and i defended myself, i never felt righteous or even justified in harming the other person.  the most it felt was like that was what i was supposed--was wanted--to do.